Is There Any Help?
Or, Must I Doggedly Plod Forward Until It Passes?
For the last 24 hours many things have happened in my life, some good, some bad, some business as usual and some that have stretched my abilities beyond what I can produce in this moment. I am tired. I need a reset. That is too many times to use “I” in one paragraph. When that happens, it informs me it is time to take a break. But I promised myself to produce a daily blog on leadership during this time of restricted assembly because of the COVID-19 pandemic. The day has turned to night and I do not have this blog produced for publication tomorrow. What can be done?
I know where I want to go with the blog. It is time to begin sharing the works of others who have impacted me in leadership and leadership development over the years, people like Patrick Lencioni, John Maxwell, Stephen Covey, Franklin Covey, Jim Collins, Peter Drucker, Henry Blackaby, to name a few. However, I want to refresh my mind with some of their works before sharing them, and I’m just too tired right now. But I am unwilling to break my promise to myself to produce this blog.
While I was preparing ice-water for my mother, it occurred to me this feeling is probably more common than most leaders are willing to admit. I know I have had this feeling at other times over the almost 68 years I have been alive. This is not meant as a brag, but rather to share how often this emotion of “not feeling like leading” has entered my life. In almost every leadership role I have served, there has been at least one time I did not feel like leading. Much of my life has been in leadership roles, captain of the ball team in elementary and middle school, officer in the 4-H Club, president of the local church and state church youth programs, academic club officers in high school, student council once, a music band member, a manager for a small company of only 100 or so employees, a state conference chairman in a denomination, a religious organization district board member, a local church board member and officer, a school board member serving in all the offices of that board over the years, a local church pastor, a husband, a father, a business owner, operator and sometimes business partner with others in business, a denominational conference board of director, a board chairman for a non-profit food pantry, a board member, founder and officer for a community agriculture non-profit, and now, for the last 22+ years I am blessed to have served as the SWD Superintendent of the General Conference of the Church of God (Seventh Day). Obviously, most of the time I was serving in multiple leadership roles at once.
A great majority of the time, I enjoy leadership. Serving God and others is my goal in life. It is my career, my pastime, my hobby, my vocation, and my heart’s desire. It is my calling, by the grace of God. Facilitating success in others is one of the biggest thrills I experience in the realm of accomplishment. In 1994 while I was living in a travel trailer park alongside I-25 north of Denver, Colorado to attend Summit School of Theology, I lay in bed one Sunday morning listening to Chuck Swindoll on the radio. He said in that sermon, the greatest feeling he had encountered was the feeling of accomplishment. Thinking about what he said, I tended to agree with him. However, no feeling of accomplishment can prevent that feeling many, if not all, leaders have occasionally. It is that feeling of not wanting to lead right now.
Yes, there are times when I simply “don’t feel like leading.” Now, I do not worry or fret, because I know it has more to do with my physical stamina, strength, mental fatigue, and circumstances than with what God is calling me to do that is causing that emotion to surface. It has happened enough I know it will pass, usually without harm. In the moment, however, it is not a good feeling.
But I made a promise to myself to produce this blog. What am I to do?
As I handed my mother her ice-water to put on her nightstand, the question came to mind, “Why not write about times leaders do not feel like leading?” Very candidly, I was just too tired to know what to say, so I just shared my heart with you here and would have submitted this blog post, knowing something had been accomplished by acknowledging this common problem leaders face. But there was really no meat in it, nothing to bless you the readers with more tools for your toolbox.
So, I am sharing with you here the principle that has helped me so much in times like these. I call this principle “Leveraging One’s Leadership”, it is turning to others for strength and resources when the fuel tank is empty. It means when the leader is too tired to lead, it is time to operate in the power of another. As believers in Jesus Christ, we do it all the time as the power of Christ works through us. But the leader can also use others to fuel their tank when their tank is empty. Perhaps I can share a true story with you.
While serving as Senior Pastor of the Wister, OK Church of God (Seventh Day), my Co-Pastor, Lamar Ford, and I wanted to establish a strong Local Church Men’s Ministry. We tried Promise Keepers and several others. In the first three years we started a Local Men’s Ministry four times only to see it fail to thrive. Then, Lamar and I decided we would go to someone who had more experience than us. So, we went to a training session in Littleton, CO with Dan Shaffer of Building Brothers: Helping Churches Build Men Into Spiritual Fathers. When we returned, we were on fire and so was the Wister, OK COG7 Men’s Ministry. After the first full year, local churches in Wister of other denominational affiliation were ready to allow their men to join our Men’s Ministry. Lamar Ford, the Wister, OK COG7 and I were extremely popular at the time. Many relationships were built in the community. At one point, the First United Methodist Church wanted us to attend a Saturday morning Men’s Breakfast at their church to help them bring Men’s Ministry into their fellowship. Their Pastor and two of their elders had joined our Men’s Ministry Group and they wanted all their local church men to engage at the same level.
Now, Lamar owned and operated a construction company, as well as all the ministry work, he did. I was the Senior Pastor, SWD Superintendent, owned and operated a Grade-A Dairy and a cow-calf beef operation, as well as a contract haying and farming operation. We each had employees and life was full. We promised the First United Methodist Church we would attend their Men’s Breakfast at 6:00 AM Saturday morning, even though our own services started at 9:30 AM. Saturday morning, we were exhausted. Incidentally, we call Saturday Sabbath as we celebrate Sabbath observance in a Christ-centered, grace-oriented way. When we both arrived at breakfast, we smiled and greeted everyone. A half dozen of the Wister COG7 men had heard we would be there and joined us also. It was a great event that fostered friendships that remain strong to this day.
When Lamar and I returned to the Local Church to prepare our hearts and minds for services, I confessed something to him. I said, “Lamar, if I had not known you were going to be there, I would not have gone to that breakfast this morning.” He said, “I know what you mean. I was exhausted and if you were not going to be there, I would not have been there either.” It was at that moment, that we both understood, of our own strength and willpower, we did not have enough to do the job we were called to do that morning. But by operating on the strength of my brother in Christ and he on me, it was enough to allow us both to complete the task and experience the accomplishment in ministry.
So, I am going to put that principle to work again. I simply did not have the strength, willpower, stamina, or resources to put together this blog post. So, I shared with you my circumstances and how I was dealing with it as a leader. But I want you to have more. So, I am going to share with you the works of someone else. Her name is Athena Williams. She is another leader-facilitator. Athena Williams, Founder and CEO of Uplevel DNA, has been facilitating leadership programs for individuals and organizations for over 18 years. Her powerful, impactful approach creates deep and sustainable transformation within a short time. She is currently working with leading companies to uplevel their leadership and accelerate business results. Athena is the author of the upcoming book, The Uplevel Code, to be released in late 2019.
The article, of which I am copying and pasting a good portion below, can be read in its entirety at
https://www.upleveldna.com/blog-posts/2019/11/4/when-you-dont-feel-like-being-the-leader-2.
Athena Williams is offering some sound counsel in the article below for leaders who do not feel like leading.
November 5, 2019
When You Don’t Feel Like Being the Leader
Leadership
There are many times in your leadership journey where you will simply feel like stepping away. It’s too hard, too much, and you don’t feel like leading.
There are times when you would rather not be the leader, the pressure is on, the results are not happening, people are in conflict, and the company is not doing well. Yet, many leaders fear that by admitting they are tired and disengaged, it will negatively impact them.
However, I have seen that it can actually be a process of truth-telling and self-discovery that can create new insights for your leadership.
Last week I was talking with a client and we were discussing some of the challenges that his company is facing and the pressure he is getting from the board. His executive team isn’t performing well and he said to me, “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t the leader and that I could just step away from this mess and quit.”
We went on to have a great conversation about his leadership and the challenges ahead. We were able to identify specific strategies he could use to understand the situation, identify new approaches and shift his narrative about the situation. By doing all of these things (over the course of a couple executive coaching calls), we were able to create a clear go forward plan where he felt more engaged and ready to uplevel his leadership and company.
The reality is that leadership is hard and you often won’t feel like leading. Being a leader is a difficult job that is often thankless. Rather than ignore these thoughts and feelings, it’s helpful to acknowledge them and take steps to find a way forward. Here are four steps you can take:
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Pause and acknowledge your feelings. Don’t push how you feel away with distractions (i.e. food, social media, etc.) or acting things out (i.e. arguing with others, being abrupt, etc.). Explore how you are feeling and ask yourself how it is showing up in your leadership.
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Get curious about your present circumstances. Take time to explore what is going on in the present situation you are facing. What are the circumstances? How is this unique? How is this similar and/or could be a pattern? Reflect on your contribution as a leader and how you are making a difference. Also explore how you could do things differently
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Schedule a leadership break. This could simply be an hour, a half-day or a full weekend. Whatever you can afford to do. A break will give you the space you need to reflect on circumstances. It also gives your brain a break (quite literally) so you can generate new approaches.
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Come back and reset your environment. After your break, you will be able to see things more clearly. You may reset goals or have a much needed conversation with someone on your team. Reset your external environment as well as your internal leadership operating system.
